Looking At Your Ego

I’ve been reading a lot about the ego lately, trying to figure out the ego that lives inside of me. Here’s a realization that just came to me.
The ego that lives in me thrives on a lot of things, pain and anger being just a couple. But I am beginning to see that , in me, there is one thing that it really feeds off. The one thing it really loves is any form of drama.
Actually anger and pain are forms of drama. A form of a form. Eckhart Tolle talks about the ego being a thought form. Forms are dangerous. They are dangerous because our essence, what we are beyond the physical, is formless. When you try to fit something formless and undefinable into a form,it becomes imprisoned. It cannot move or be what it as meant to be because of the confinement. What everyone needs to realize is that our minds and our souls need to be released, not shackled down. When we do shackle our minds and souls , that’s where the ego starts to arise and to take over the mind. That’s where the drama starts.
I have to say the rational part of me, the don’t- over- think- anything part of me, dislikes drama. I dislike what it does to my mind and my body. It makes me physically sick. My whole body feels heavy and my muscles spasm and ache. Then there’s the part where I always want to cry whenever anything triggers the ego in me.
Despite all of that, there is a small part of my mind that is happy , actually glad , that there’s drama going on around me. It makes a part of me feel special. This is part of the thought process : Look at what’s happening to me; everyone needs to pay attention to me because I’m having all these difficulties. Attention seeking is another favorite pastime of the ego.
Another line of thinking ,that I am seen in myself, that is very egocentric : My life has to be more important than your’s because look at all that is happening in it. If I wasn’t important there wouldn’t be all this drama, anger, and pain. So all this drama makes me better than you.
Even as I was typing that, it sounded crazy. It seems like only an insane person would think that way. Yet I would be willing to bet , that I am not the only person who has these thoughts. Some of you reading this, if you take the time to look at what really motivates you, probably have the same type of thoughts.
Here’s the thing, it’s all ego. Nothing but pure ego. When your thoughts are completely generated by the ego, when your mind is completely formed by the ego, you don’t even realize what it is that generates these thoughts. To you and I, it’s just the normal way of thinking. Our normal way of being. It’s only been in the last few months that I’ve gotten better at noticing when these thoughts pop up and just let them drift out of my mind instead of agonizing over them.
Noticing and relinquishing these thoughts when they appear, is the first , and probably most important , step in letting go of the ego.
I’ve heard many times during my life to watch the thoughts in your mind. As I look back now I wonder how many of those people that I heard that from really understood the mechanics behind negative thinking or just understood that not thinking negative thoughts made life better?
It’s a totally different thing to do something because you are told to do it and it just happens to work , and to understand something completely. By completely I mean with your mind and your soul.
I think most people still go through the motions of what they are told to do, never realizing how much more they could be. Never realizing that there is a underlying psychological condition that drives them and their collective misery.
This is what has caused the greatest pain in my life. I think it’s what causes the greatest pain in most people’s lives. The question , the only true question that really matters, is are we going to stay in pain or are we going to awaken to the happy life that we all deserve ?

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