Love is our natural state. It is the state in which we were born. Its the state to which we will return.
In between, love is still there . Sometimes we do a really good job of separating ourselves from it.
Love is always inside of us. The thing of it is that we have to find the love for ourselves first. Just like you have to find your own happiness before you can help others, you have to have self love before you can truly love someone else.
Self love is something I have fought with most of my life. When I was very young, I without a doubt loved everything about myself. Then I gt older and , as happens to most of us , I was told things about myself that were not true. Because I was a child , and it was adults telling me these things, I believed them. I did fight for awhile; I fought hard to hang n to who I wanted to be. When you’re a kid though, theres only so long you can fight before you give up . You don’t have enough emotional intelligence, or experience, to understand that what other people say about you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves.
It takes a long time to get past that. Time and emotional awareness. But we can all return to our natural state. We can all return to love anytime we are ready.
Photo via Panache Desai
Happiness is choice. I’ve heard that many times but it took a while for me totally understand how true it is.
Happiness IS most definitely a choice. An indiviual choice . One that only you can make for you and none of us can make for other people no matter how much we want to.
When I first came out as being gay, a person who I was close to said to me , “So you’re going to make me unhappy so you can be happy?” My response at the time was ” I guess so” and I didn’t think anymore about it.
Maybe I should have kept it that way but I found myself months later replaying that question in my mind. It was at that I point I realized how selfish a question that was.
So you’re going to make me unhappy so you can be happy?
Stop and think about that question for a minute. A person wants me to sacrifice my happiness because they think it will make them happy. That thinking is very, very flawed. No matter what actions you take, you cannot make anyone else happy. All that ends up happening is two people end up unhappy.
Most of us have been taught to put other’s happiness ahead of our own. Sounds good, sounds like the right way to be. But it’s not. You have to happy first. You have to be the person you want to be first. If you are unhappy and miserable, you will not be in any shape to help anyone else.
Everyone has a right to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. Don’t let anyone pin their happiness on you , it’s not your responsibilty. Your responsibility is your happiness.
Find your passion and run with it. Run with it like your life depends on it. Find your happiness. Live your happiness.
I don’t know how many of you know about Wattpad. Basically it’s a website or app where you can publish your writing. There are lots of users and lots of good stories.
One of the nice things about Wattpad is that you can publish stories and / or books in chapters instead of all at once.I am currently working on a story and a book of poetry.
Here is the link to my profile. Please take a look and share. If you are a Wattpad user please vote and also let me know bout your works so I can check them out . Thanks.
So I figured I would give writing on Wattpad a try. Anybody who’s interested please check it out. It is labeled Pg-13 because of LGBT theme . If you like it , please share. It is one a small chapter but there will be more to come. Thanks . http://w.tt/1wblo6K
A few months ago a friend sent me a poem. It was something that I needed at that moment. A push to get me out of the state of mind that I was in at the time. She ended up putting it on her blog and you can read it here.
The poem was written by Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday and it talks about different things. But the part that is most important to me is the part about self love. I have a hard time loving myself sometimes. Most of the time actually. But I can feel a shift in my attitudes about myself and I can say that I have days that I can honestly say I love myself.
Anyway, the Chaplin poem inspired me to write the following poem. It’s about a few realizations I’ve had over the last few months and how I’m starting to feel about myself.
Self Love Is …
Self love is paying attention to yourself when you need it.
Self love is standing in your authentic truth.
Self love is total acceptance of you.
Self love is not wishing you were something or someone else.
Self love is putting that second candy bar down.
Self love is getting up everyday with a grateful heart.
Self love is not letting other people tell you what is right for you.
Self love is not giving away your own power.
Self love is sometimes telling the world to fuck off.
Self love is full of forgiveness for everyone and especially yourself.
Self love is hard.
Self love is from the heart not the head.
Self love is compassion. a poem
I believe that saying above. I believe that we are just passing through this life to learn what we need to and then we will return to the Creator. Eventually we will decide if we want to come back to a new life or stay with the Creator.
I know this and understand this but there is a part of me that wants to be home now. That longs to be home, that is impatient for it.
I am not very patient. I have come to believe that is one of the lessons I am supposed to be learning about because I have such a hard time with it.
The other concept I have a hard time with is self love. Again I think that is one of things my soul is here to learn about. How to love yourself no matter what. I actually think I’ve made a little progress here. Here’s what I think the key is.
You have to show yourself the same love and compassion you would show to other people. You have to say to yourself ,”I love you no matter what. I even love your broken pieces. I will love you through this.”
Then you embrace your pain, hold it , let it know that it’s okay that it exists in you, and let yourself know that you still love you.
The pain won’t get better overnight. Not even in a few days but you will notice space between the pain and your heart. Then you will notice the that maybe the pain isn’t as big as it was. That it doesn’t take up as much as of your focus as it did. Or ,at the very least, it’s not in the very front of your mind.
That’s a start in the right direction. It will take a while for things to settle. That’s the hard part. Like I said, patience is a virtue I have yet to acquire. So this drives me crazy. But, I am able to see that the old saying, time heals all wounds, is at least partially true.
Time may not heal all wounds, there are some which may never completely heal. But time does bring perspective , perspective helps to let go, and letting go means forgiving yourself and others.
So I guess what I’m saying through all this rambling is that, while a part of me wants, to go back to the Creator, another part of me understands why I am here. More importantly accepts the reason for why I am here. I am here for my soul to learn and sometimes that hurts. But the journey and the lessons are the important things. Pain will end or lessen given time. Focus on your lessons and the journey.
The last couple of weeks have not been very good for me. I don’t really go into it much on social media but , the fact of the matter is I have a lot of emotional problems that have plagued me since I was young. Part of those problems is a feeling I have that everyone is going to leave me. That I am not worth anyone’s time and why should anyone want to hang around with me. In short, serious abandonment issues
Because of that, I unintentionally pushed someone away from me that I never wanted to . Someone who meant a lot to me . Anyway this is the poem that emerged from my last two weeks of putting myself through hell.
I don’t understand
But, it’s God’s plan.
I have to trust
That my pain will go away
And make sense someday.
Then I won’t remember what I was upset about.
It will be a dream from a long time ago
And all this will not mean a thing,
I trust you Lord
And I know this will pass.
With your help,
I always get back up after I’ve been knocked down.
To the world and the haters in it,
You can try to kill me, but i will always rise.