Tag Archives: self love

Our Natural State

Love is our natural state. It is the state in which we were born. Its the state to which we will return.
In between, love is still there . Sometimes we do a really good job of separating ourselves from it.
Love is always inside of us. The thing of it is that we have to find the love for ourselves first. Just like you have to find your own happiness before you can help others, you have to have self love before you can truly love someone else.
Self love is something I have fought with most of my life. When I was very young, I without a doubt loved everything about myself. Then I gt older and , as happens to most of us , I was told things about myself that were not true. Because I was a child , and it was adults telling me these things, I believed them. I did fight for awhile; I fought hard to hang n to who I wanted to be. When you’re a kid though, theres only so long you can fight before you give up . You don’t have enough emotional intelligence, or experience, to understand that what other people say about you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves.     
It takes a long time to get past that. Time and emotional awareness. But we can all return to our natural state. We can all return to love anytime we are ready.
Photo via Panache Desai 



Run With Your Happiness

Happiness is choice. I’ve heard that many times but it took a while for me totally understand how true it is. 

Happiness IS most definitely a choice. An indiviual choice . One that only you can make for you and none of us can make for other people no matter how much we want to.

When I first came out as being gay, a person who I was close to said to me , “So you’re going to make me unhappy so you can be happy?” My response at the time was ” I guess so” and I didn’t think anymore about it.  

Maybe I should have kept it that way but I found myself months later replaying that question in my mind. It was at that I point I realized how selfish a question that was.

So you’re going to make me unhappy so you can be happy?

Stop and think about that question for a minute. A person wants me to sacrifice my happiness because they think it will make them happy. That thinking is very, very flawed. No matter what actions you take, you cannot make anyone else happy. All that ends up happening is two people end up unhappy.

Most of us have been taught to put other’s happiness ahead of our own. Sounds good, sounds like the right way to be. But it’s not. You have to happy first. You have to be the person you want to be first. If you are unhappy and miserable, you will not be in any shape to help anyone else.

Everyone has a right to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. Don’t let anyone pin their happiness on you , it’s not your responsibilty. Your responsibility is your happiness.
Find your passion and run with it. Run with it like your life depends on it. Find your happiness. Live your happiness.  

Compassion For Yourself

In my last post I wrote about compassion and I had a great time writing it. I enjoyed it so much that I forgot what could be the most important aspect of compassion. Having compassion for other people is important but it is more important to have compassion for yourself.

            Most parents teach their children to think of others before they think of themselves. But the truth is that it needs to be the other way around, at least at first. Putting others ahead of yourself is the right thing to do but if you don’t like yourself, if you don’t have compassion for yourself, you really can’t have it for other people. You can’t. All you’re doing is trying to fill a hole in yourself. A hole that can never be filled that way.

            You have to heal, or at least recognize, your own pain before you can truly help anyone else. Everyone has some sort of emotional pain. If you think you don’t, you’re either very lucky (and very happy ) or in denial. It’s hard to honestly look at your own pain, I know from experience. However, we all have to take responsibility for our own feelings, including pain. Somebody else may have caused it but it’s each individual person that hangs on to it. We all have to learn to let go.

            That’s when you need to have compassion for yourself. Comfort yourself like you would with a friend or family member in pain. That’s when you say “I forgive myself for hanging on to my pain.”  You may not completely mean it at first, I didn’t at first. The thing is , if you repeat them enough, you’ll start to really think about them and then you’ll realize that you’re worthy of your forgiveness and compassion. That’s a start and a start is all you need.